Poop Emoji

There have been a lot of things on my mind lately.

I had to go to the doctor. Work is slowly picking up. I keep buying shorts to compensate for the fact that my wardrobe will always be meant for fall. I’ve been knitting the same scarf for the last six months. I have to remind myself to take my prescription at a certain time of the day, twice a day.

Yes, this is me bitching.

I am the type of person to assume the worst. As soon as I set up my doctor’s appointment, I Googled everything that could potentially be wrong with me. So much so, that I started freaking out.

“Oh my god, that’s it, I’m going to die.”

“You’re not going to die.”

“How do you know? Have you read thirty-plus articles written by WebMD and a guy named Curtis?”

I couldn’t stop even after the appointment. I became addicted to googling every possible ailment and medical emergency that resembled any one of my symptoms. The research was supposed to put my mind at ease, but it made me feel worse. WebMD is by far the worst thing for anyone who has anything medically wrong with them.

Work is another stressor. I’m sure it’s the average amount for the average person, but I would rather be below average in this case. I might be driving myself crazy, but I can’t help it. It’s gotten to the point where I can make myself sick thinking about everything that happened that day (and possibly, everything I did wrong).

I’ve started using these all-natural stress relief gummies by Bach. I didn’t notice a difference last time, but they didn’t increase my stress so why not? I will try anything at this point. Did I mention that I can’t drink because I’m on medication? It’s fine. I’m not losing it or anything. I miss wine.

When I feel overwhelmed, I like to buy things and living with my parents has allowed me to do so. It’s enough money for me to question my choices at the end of the month. This weekend was all about online shopping. I spent hours looking for something that stood out, but I came up empty. Instead, I went to the health food store and paid $34 for coconut oil, stress gummies, and two Larabars.

Prescriptions are just annoying, especially when they are two a day. I’d rather get a few shots and be done with it. Better yet, hide the medication in my food like a dog. That’s easy and not degrading.

So it is the start of another week. I have another doctor’s appointment on Friday. Praying to Beyonce that I will get a clean bill of health. Bae is away for the next two weeks, so my social calendar has diminished ten-fold. I already googled two things today and my scarf is 5/8 completed. Everything is fine.


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